Millions of Mischiefs

Don't you hate it when you turn up to a well-reviewed, barn-stormer of a show only to find that that night's performance is actually in Norwegian? Ho hum. Still it sort of fitted with the show and it did mean that I discovered the Norwegian Coffee Song - which is ridiculous - I've found a mediocre version for you.

I went to see Julius Caesar.  I've seen it a few times now, but never realised how much teen fiction steals from it - Mortal Instruments; The Fault in Our Stars; about a third of the characters from Hunger Games (I mean, Caesar Flickerman - how did I not notice that before?) - so I'm laying claim to Millions of Mischiefs before anyone else does.

Talking of YA fiction, just finished the Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy. That's worth a read.  Although I am nervous that it might be a gateway drug to hardcore fantasy.

In food news - foos - hats off to Merry Berry Chocolates for giving me something that was too spicy to eat. Their scorpion death chocolate has been doing the rounds for a couple of years now and is tasty as. Whatever they gave me on Friday night made the scorpion death taste like Milkybars, it left me seriously concerned that my mouth might slip out of my face.

A Toast for the Douchbags

So I went to Wireless Festival.

Now I knew when I booked it that I was too old for it, that it would be full of people that listen to Radio 1; people that know what an Iggy Azalea is.  I was out of my depth. It's three years since I last went to a Big Festival - I didn't enjoy it then. It was stupid of me to go.  I admit that. So the following rant needs to be put in the context that this is all my fault.  No one else to blame. That being said...

Right let's gloss over the bulk of the day, ignore the terrible choice in expensive drinks, ignore the shambolic between set deejaying, and start with Pharrell. He put on a karaoke set absolutely chock full of hits (Boom).  He also spent a lot of time between songs preaching about equality between the sexes; spouting sickly, quasi-feminist platitudes - "Who's hear today with a woman that's going to change the world?" This was made even more sickly when he launched into everyone's favourite pro-rape anthem. Aah, equality and rape - what a hero. Sorry, did I say hero? It had the right amount of letters.

Still at least the Pharrell set was a crowd pleaser (albeit for a crowd who can't spell hypocrisy). Next came Kanye West, the main event. For just about the biggest pop performer in the world I was expecting some sort of stage show - this wasn't so much the case - no stageset, poor sound quality, no visuals, for a fair chunk of the show the big screens were turned off - this wouldn't be so much of a problem either at a smaller festival, or a festival populated by smaller people - but there seems to be a correlation between obvious pop and steroids so all that about fifty percent of the crowd could see were enormous shoulders.  

Still he did give us a Spectacle.  It was a masterclass in dividing a crowd - stopping songs part way through to have a chat with his entourage, not bothering with his own songs to concentrate on his side project stuff, wearing a beaded face mask for most of the gig.  And then the piece de resistance, a twenty-ish minute rant about the benefits of creativity over celebrity from a man who married a reality TV star.  At the five minute mark the boos started; at the ten minute mark people started leaving; still, it's a show that people will talk about, that you had to be there to be a part of something bigger, something unique - which I guess is the point of live music.

Can't help but think the Festival organisers may be giving back a few more refunds more Drake's cancellation tonight than they may have done.

Let's Get Mythical

City where the walls were built by Cyclops? Box ticked.

Yesterday I went to the ruins of Mycenae, a town built by the son of a God; a man whose claim to fame was cutting the head off a gorgon. Home town of Agamemnon: a man who led the mythical ten year siege of a town that may or may not have existed.

Still the ruins were proper old. But then I guess they had to be seeing as cyclops have been extinct a fair while.

This trip is the first time I've used TripAdvisor. Not sure I get it. Don't get me wrong, I love a ranking as much as the next geek and (as, if you've read anything I've ever written, you will know) I'm not above a snarky dismissal of something of historical or cultural importance. I just don't know how you can filter through the mire of uninformed nonsense on there to find any way of benchmarking anything. Admittedly, my research was limited to something in the region of eight minutes, so there could well be an "ignore all idiots" button which I missed. But:

Case Study 1 - the Bavarian Lion
Synopsis of review: it's off the beaten track but well worth the effort of getting there.
TripAdvisor rating 4 out of 5.

Reality: A mediocre (but respectfully monumental) statue of a lion in a grave yard in the suburbs.

So what is that 4 out of 5 rating for then. Surely it can't be of all "tourist attractions" everywhere (I'm not even going to start on the semantics of what constitutes a tourist attraction). I would have said that the Parthenon was the only genuine five star-er in the country. Which would put the lion on par with the Agora, the monasteries in Meteora or the ruins of Delphi. It's not. On this basis you are looking at one star at best.

Is it of things to do in Nafplio? It's neither the biggest nor the most activity-packed town I've ever been to but it does have three castles, four museums, a beach, a "charming" old town and Unesco approved ruins. I wouldn't have thought that the lion would out muscle them.

So is it of lion statues? Well I'm no expert on lion statues but the ones in trafalgar square are better. And I think there's a pretty good one in the British Museum.  And a pretty famous one in Switzerland. If we're using the Lucerne Lion as our five star, lion statue benchmark then the Bavarian lion is a solid two, maybe nudging a three if you catch it when you're in a good mood. Rather than in the mood of someone who has sweated through suburbia to see a not-to-be-missed sight rather than a mediocre lion statue.

So what does the four stars relate to? Answers on a postcard marked "Too much time thinking about things that don't matter".  

Iced Coffee and Octopus

I'm in Nafplio. What do you mean 'where?' Well you know Greece has got that cartoon hand sticking out the bottom? I'm in the armpit of the thumb (does that have an actual name? It should do).

Anyway, Nafplio. It's the former capital and now appears to be a quaint, cobbled place where Greek tourists come.

Found some more ruins -The Acropolis of Tyrines - that's a three and a half thousand year old, Unesco listed ruin, that. Weirdly they don't seem to be mentioned anywhere - it's like the "city" is ashamed of them. Still they were walking distance from the middle of nowhere that we're staying in (we're right next to an artichoke field; I'd never seen artichokes growing before) and had a goof level of climbability. Although the more rickety bits had been cordoned off. Health and safety gone mad. I blame the EU.

Greece is the Word

Not really sure what I expected Athens to be like. But it wasn't this. Which is ridiculous as if I'd thought about it logically, it is how it should be. There's a lot of marble and a lot of squares and a surprising amount of green. And ruins. Heaps and heaps of really old ruins.

Had cheese pie overlooking the Agora: didn't see Socrates. Still the view was better than the sickly beige mush I ate. The Agora is all impressive and that, but I couldn't help thinking that the information boards were aimed more at scholars of Hellenic architecture than the proverbial man in the street. I could have done with a few definitions of a few words. And then a few descriptions as to what the context actually meant.

Went up the big flat hill to see that Parthenon. Was suitably impressive, although I did that thing where I took the wonder for granted and spent my time squinting at hawks. I couldn't quite get my head around the fact that the temple and the top floor of the Acropolis Museum were the same size.  The optical illusion messed with my mind.

Investigating New Leeds

I made a fair crack at squeezing as much as is physically possible into a weekend. Admittedly more by accident than design, but ho hum.

Friday night I went to see The Roof. On paper it sounds exactly the right amount of ridiculous. A seemingly-dystopian, computer-game-themed, rooftop-set, free-running show in a disused car park on the south bank where everyone wears headphones for that personalised sonic experience.  The first five minutes were ace, it properly made use of the headphones and set the show up pretty well.  Unfortunately that was about as good as it got. The chosen computer game was something akin to Jet Set Willy or Treasure Island Dizzy: eighties platform nonsense where not really anything happens.  This doesn't make for spectacular viewing. Disappointing seeing as the premise was so good. 

Spent the bulk of this weekend in Leeds.   city that I've been to a heap of times but never really had a chance to explore.  This time I explored.  I got taken to art galleries in breweries, gigs in record shops, bars with not so secret cinemas in the basement, gigs in social clubs and pubs where it's deemed acceptable to add both pork belly and battered black pudding to a burger. Leeds: box ticked. 

Stopped at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park on my way home, mainly to see the Ai Weiwei (everyone's favourite dissident) exhibition.  I appreciate that he's not all that able to curate shows around the globe at the minute, but I'm not going to lie, I expected there to be a bit more to it.  There were five exhibits; two of which were really good, two I didn't get and one that punches you in the face with how clever it is - and no one, except art critics, likes that. 

CAPITALISED adjectives

Just seen the Festival Players do The Comedy of Errors.  The first scene was dreary and stuttery and I really did fear the worst. The rest of the play was a big, camp romp of crossdressing tomfoolery- everything that is ace about Shakespearean Comedy. It was in the grounds of Ingatestone Hall - not a bad little venue when the sun's out - I feel a bit guilty that it's the first time I've ever been there.

In other Shakespeare news, Antony and Cleopatra is just Romeo and Juliet only with politicians instead of giddy teenagers, right.  I'd seen it before, but didn't remember exactly how much it is identical.  This one was at the Globe and had Jack from London's Burning and Phil Daniels in it; for some reason I couldn't take it completely seriously.

I also went to the cinema this week. It's a while since I've been.  Now they have a thing called the IMPACT screen. I didn't wholly understand it. I think that the bannerline describes it adequately:
IMPACT is the ultimate way to experience blockbuster movies, SPECTACULAR screens, SENSATIONAL sound, SUPERB stadium seating, extra leg room and even Bean Bags!
From what I could work out it just meant that there were UNNECESSARY adjectives cluttering up the place.