Low Points

Today I've been doing a survey of public toilets in Ramallah and Jericho and have to say, I'm relatively impressed. Generally all western style, with locking doors, soap and toilet paper. All told, this made the day a lot nicer than it could have been. That said, my preoccupation with toilets may have meant that I didn't fully appreciate, say, the oldest city on earth.

Shabbat pretty much forced me to West Bank. I hadn't fully appreciated how comprehensive Shabbat would be - it stops everything. No public transport tastic. So the nearest open pharmacy was basically Ramallah.

Went to the Dead Sea yesterday. That's pretty low. And pretty weird. My skin now feels super soft, but the Sea's healing powers have to be called into question...

The Hidden City

I think I have a new favourite wonder. Petra is way better than I thought it would be. Admittedly I had reasonably low expectations, in my head it was going to be that pink sandstone tomb that you always see and not much else.

Turns out there's quite a lot more. It is enormous. It starts off with the Siq, a kilometre long canyon - and who doesn't love a canyon - which serves as an entrance to the hidden city before opening out into a sandstone capsule hotel of a settlement.

One slight downer, the narrow path up to the monastery was made a whole heap more treacherous by antisocial, faux-Bedouin donkey jockeys (does that sound like an insult? Good) thrashing donkeys down the stone steps through anyone coming up. You'd have thought that the rumoured most expensive tourist attraction in the world (more than six times as much as the Taj Mahal, since you ask) could have done something about that.

Stayed in a "Bedouin camp" whilst in Jordan. I guess that sounds better for tourists than canvas guesthouse, which is exactly what it was.

I also took a trip to Wadi Rum. That's the desert in the South of Jordan, you know? The one with all the rock formations? The landscape was obviously spectacular but you're at the mercy of the 4x4 drivers there, which meant that about a quarter of the desert experience was spent in a gift shop, I mean Bedouin tea tent.

And that pretty much sums up my Jordan experience. Everything is set to take tourist money. You have to tip for everything. And as the currency is so ridiculous you're tipping a pound a time, which makes toilet visits expensive.

Yes, I feel sorry for a large population working in a tourist economy where noone is visiting due to the next door neighbours being a bit warry. But still, it did feel a lot like I was just a transportation device for my wallet.

To summarise. Jordan: nice scenery; bit of an attitude problem.

Desert Rain

I'm in Jordan. I got rained on. That wasn't in my plans. Plus it was unpleasant cold rain, like you get back home, rather than warm-bath rain like you normally get in hot countries. I'm going to have strong words with the sky.

Jordan staryed with a visit to Jarash, a town which two days ago I hadn't heard of. It was chock full of Roman ruins. Pillars everywhere.

Then spent the afternoon in Amman. That makes it sound a bit more grand than it was. It was a smash and grab even by my standards. In. Flag. View. Citadel. Amphitheatre. Mosque. Cheesey-sugar thing. Out.

The Holy Land

There are some real famous things in Jerusalem. Quite a lot of them are names that are so familiar, I didn't really think they were real. Calvary, Mount of Olives, Garden of Gethsemanee all places that I probably knew more about as an eight year old. Like Tatooine or Third Earth.

Visited the three biggest sites already.
The Western Wall really wasn't what I was expecting, the large amount of patio furniture meant that this hugely spiritual place felt a bit like an empty cafe, which I guess isn't the feel it was going for.

The Dome of the Rock is impressively shiny. Far and away the prettiest building in the city.

The Church of the Holy Sepulchre is surprisingly dingy. Plus it had that sombre pilgrim feel that makes you feel as though you're awkwardly intruding on somewhere that you really shouldn't be.

Contrarily my favourite Jerusalem sight so far is not any of those. The City of David, the oldest part of town, is built on a spring, which you can wade through. In a mighty dark tunnel. It was an odd tourist experience, but a nicely cooling one on a forty degree day.

I've been to West Bank today. Did the slightly unusual double bill of Bethlehem and Hebron.

I  didn't love Bethlehem, for a place that pretty much serves as a symbol of peace it is a mighty noisy place. Everyone just seems to like shouting. And tooting their horn. Nowhere more so than in the souk. Angryshoutingtastic.

Hebron on the other hand was like nowhere I've ever been. The whole of the city centre is a dystopian ghost town. Nearly all the shops are closed and the only people you see in the streets are soldiers. You could eat the tension. And in the midst of that you have the Tombs of the Patriarchs, one of the most important - and impressive - religious sites in the world. Weird.

Acting Up

I don't like writing negatively about things that people have invested passion and heart into, it seems unfairly harsh. Equally, I don't like paying West End prices to see things that are a little bit rubbish. Bring on the negativity:

Romeo and Juliet
Meera Syal is brilliant as the nurse in the Branagh R+J. It's a shame that everyone else is fairly mediocre.  Romeo and Juliet look like Danny and Sandy and sound like they are reading autocues, leaving the whole thing sounding decidedly un-romantic.  And as for casting Derek Jacobi as Mercutio... (imagine me shaking my head and looking forlorn).

And here's a word of warning: when the Garrick Theatre says the view is restricted it is not lying. Sitting back in my seat I couldn't see the stage. I may as well have been outside.

The Maids
I was lured in by the combination of Benedict Andrews and CrazyEyes. I was disappointed by the way all emotions had been replaced by over-acted shouting.  Once you'd got over that, it was just a fairly boring evening of watching three ladies in a box.

A Comedy about a Bank Robbery
To be fair, nothing bad to say about this one. It was laugh out loud funny and had possibly the best staging I've ever seen.  The issue here is my ridiculously high expectations.  It's the new Mischief Theatre production and, if you've been following for a while you might remember that Mischief Theatre have been responsible for the most I've laughed in each of the last three years. On each occasion I laughed my organs out my mouth. This time it only left me with an aching jaw. No permanent laughter-based injuries.  How perverse that I'm counting the play I've enjoyed most this year as a disappointment.

Devon is a Place on Earth

And another weekend where I visit somewhere that I used to think was ace and remember exactly why I thought it was ace. Britain is brilliant.

I'm in North Devon. There's a coastline. I don't feel I need to say any more.

By Water Cool

I'd forgotten how much I like Liverpool.

That sentence in no way does justice to anything. I've been a blancmange of nostalgia over the weekend, spending all my time pointing at things that aren't there any more.

So what's changed? First off the whole city centre has moved a couple of blocks south: something called Liverpool 1 has plonked itself on Quiggins and the Superlambanana (Quiggins rest in peace; the Superlambanana appears to have been multiplied like the Borg - which is a good thing. The more Superlambananas the better, I say). Le Bateau and Zanzibar have both moved, The Nation is being demolished and Probe Records has closed. Rapid is no longer on Rapid Road, the trees aren't growing through the church and they've finally sorted out the docks - the waterfront is looking super shiny.

But it's still Liverpool. Concert Square still sounds hellish, there's still vomit outside the Krazyhouse, the Raz is still terrible. Baa bar, Magnet, La Go and the Blob shop are all still there. Smithdown Road still hasn't been gentrified (although the Ten has become Five). Mathew Street is still full of Beatles tat. Albert dock is still full of lost hen dos. Chinatown is still weirdly anticlimatic. And most of all the city's still got more soul than any other city I can think of.

So thank you, so called Pool of Life, I'll try not to leave it so long next time.