Romanian Balls

And back to Eastern Europe. This time Bucharest, which so far (and in real terms it has only been one afternoon) is providing an all round good level of weird. Against a backdrop nowhere near as grey and angular as I'd been led to believe - even the guidebook describes it as Europe's most unappealing capital.

So, according to TripAdvisor, Bucharest's premier tourist attraction is Escaperooms. Basically it does what it says on the tin: you're locked in a room and given an hour to escape by working out a series of clues. What kind of city has reenacting Saw as their main tourist attraction?

Last night finished up in a glow-in-the-dark, crazy golf themed karaoke bar or it could have been a glow-in-the-dark, karaoke themed crazy golf bar. Either way there are nowhere near enough glow-in-the-dark, crazy golf themed karaoke bars in the world. Fact.

And it wouldn't be proper weird if there wasn't something weird to eat: pork fillet stuffed with turkey testicles - bring it on.

The Riviera

Yeah okay, I'm a hypocrite. I know I said that I wouldn't go to Budva because it's just Benidorm for Russians. But I went anyway. It is very pretty after all. And by early evening I was all ready to eat my words. Yeah the front is a bit tacky with its fake eiffel tower and parades of people trying to sell jetskis, but out of season that wasn't too offensive. The old town was charming and I walked to Sveti Stefan, a fishing village that's so picturesque mere mortals aren't permitted (it looked alright, personally I preferred Przno, even if it did need more vowels) and that was more than pleasant. I almost liked Budva.

But then evening came. Whining is just going to be a self pitying I told me so. All you need to know is: seventeen euros. Lou Bega. One hundred and forty seven times.

I left Budva as early as possible.

I'm finishing my break back in Podgorica and who would have thought that the city would serve up a Wow moment. The Cathedral is immense. It's massive and all shiny new. I've seen very few cathedrals that are as impressive and certainly none that are as impressive and as poorly located: on a piece of waste land surrounded by utilitarian, concrete tower blocks. It's like Michelangelo has painted the ceiling of a multistorey car park. In Vange.

And More Picturesque Scenery

Nothing says secluded mountain idyll like an old man throwing a bag of vomit from a moving bus.

I'm in the north of Albania on my way back to Montenegro. I've based myself in Shkodra, the fourth largest city in Albania and one of the oldest constantly inhabited cities in the world. Apparently. Looks quite new to me. Although that may be because it has had a strange sort of a facelift. It appears to have prepared itself for a tourist boom (souvenir shops, drinking strip, without all that much tourism. If you build it they will come.

Shkodra has got itself a hill top castle. They do do a castle well in this part of the world - Kotor, Bragaj, Berat and a whole heap of ominous looking turrets overlooking the main roads. This was the first castle that had a boob-related anecdote, which obviously makes it the best.

Yesterday I went to Lake Koman (or it might be Komani, I haven't got my head around Albanian grammar yet). It was ace and it was fjordlike with its water and its cliffs but I'm not certain that it was all that much more impressive than the bus journey between Sarajevo and Niksig. I guess the cynicism is back...

Shqiperia

So Tirana, my third capital city in three nights. And this one feels a whole heap more loke a capital city than number two. It's a big busy mess of a place. Cars everywhere. People everywhere.

It's a weird old place. It looks European but has the vibe of a Southeast Asian city with its street sellers and its risking your life when crossing the road. I think I like it though, it is one of those cities that's just doing its thing and not making any concessions to tourists. 

It was all looking a little bit religious when I arrived. Another of those quirks of serendipity had me arrive in town in time for a papal visit. A bit of a strange choice of state visit a country that (by birth) is 70% Muslim and of the remaining Christians two thirds are orthodox.  Added to that forty years of communist dictatorship has somewhat undermined the traditional belief system. Still everyone was excitable, there were popebased flags and big screens everywhere. Sort of like a rock concert. So we got involved. It's a bit weird seeing an older gentleman dressed in gold flying through the crowd striking his best Freddie at LiveAid poses.

What do you know about Comrade Hoxha? Not a fat lot? Here's a summary. He did some dictating in this Albania. He dumped Cold war Russia as an ally because he thought it was too liberal. He did the same to pre-Tianneman Square China. In the Dorling Kindersley Top10 Bonkers Communist Dictator charts he's sitting at Numbet three. One of the ways he crippled Albania's economy was by building a lot of bombshelters everywhere. Turns out there's one under the hostel. It was full of soot and cobwebs. I got filthy.

I had a break from the city yesterday and headed for Berat. One of those old towns that are all Unesco-y. Once again I got got by the African style public transport which dropped me on the edge of town, approximately half an hour from where my map started. Obviously I didn't realise that for half an hour and spent the sweaty walk internally whining that the city didn't look that pretty.

Albania, much like Bosnia Herzegovina before it, has again challenged by preconceived ideas. Turns out they lived here as Illyrians pre Roman and pre Greek. Turns out that they're a bit miffed that it is the Roman name that has stuck rather than the more catchy Shqiperia.

Back in Tirana again now. Trying to see what the city is like when it's not all Poped up.

Capital?

So Podgorica. That's a city that's just wrested the title of "Capital City that's least like a Capital City" from whoever had it before. Bandar Seri Bagawan maybe? It's got a bit of a Basildon vibe going on, which isn't exactly what I look for in a capital.

The neighbouring capitals seem to think it's not worth the effort either. The bus from Sarajevo left from a tiny station in suburban nowhere and to get to Tirana I have just had to change buses twice. To be fair the journey from Montenegro is probably weird enough to warrant more space. I bought a ticket from Ulcinj to Tirana only to get kicked out of the bus at the first Albanian town we came to and told to get in a stranger's minibus. Said minibus took me to somewhere not all that central in Tirana and dropped me off at a roundabout. Not especially convenient. Still I'm in Albania.

But enough of that, tales of the city can wait until the next post. Here's some things about Podgorica:

• There's a taxi company called bum taxis.
• There's a citywide art installation of five-metre high Transformers.
• We saw a tortoise crossing a road about 100 metres from the town centre.
• The local delicacy is a sausage wrapped in cheese, deep fried and covered in a blue cheese sauce.
• The "old town" appears to be 40m x 15m.
• They close off all the main roads in the city centre at night and rent out tiny cars for children. 

Consider that city summarised.

_____________________

Can I dedicate this post to Cathryn Rees please? I only met you a handful of times but everyone of them was a blast. Thanks for the memories.

Freedom Fries

A surprisingly large amount of people have been asking about the referendum. It's almost like a country of four million trying to get independence from a larger, more shouty neighbour may be rather poignant in Sarajevo...

I've spent three days here now and it's largely been three days of having to reevaluate my position on everything. I can't think of a city where I have squeezed in more learning. Or heard more things that have made me shiver.

Anyway, BiH, it's been an honour and a privilege to have you as Country No. 70, you have been an absolute gem.

Thinking Things That I Just Can't Abide

I'm fairly sure that I have said this before, but I am really glad that I grew up in Britain. Some of the things from the last couple of days have put the Britpop Wars of '95 into something of a perspective...

I spent two nights in Mostar, it was a fab city with its coffee shops and minarets. I can't quite put my finger on why I liked it so much - something to do with the vibe, maybe, or because anyone you spoke to was superfriendly - but even the swamps of tourists didn't dampen my enthusiasm for the place.

Took a day trip to Bragaj, another obscenely picturesque village with cliffs and waterfalls and castles and pomegranate trees. Not certain what I expected from BiH but it wasn't so much in-your-face beauty. I sound so much like a hippy I've just been sick in my mouth.

Currently I'm in Sarajevo. Now this is a city that has been "next on the agenda" for about eight years now. I'm surprised that it has taken me so long to get here, equally I'm fairly surprised about what I found when I got here. It's billed as the city where East meets West, I thought that that would mean that you had minarets and skyscrapers dotting a grey skyline. I wasn't expecting a grand European boulevard to give way to a full Arabian nights picturebook bazaar.