Full Horn. Full Throttle.

So, three months in this crazy, congested, colourful place with its smog and its cows and its demonetisation. I think that's the longest I've spent in one country since this blog began. 

What's that you want a list of all the things that I think are odd? Seems a bit divisive. Oh go on then...

Everyone drives at you. I think they do it for giggles. You shouldn't worry about it unduly, they rarely hit you.

Crowds of people deviate towards gridlock. Noone will step back to let anyone pass, even if it makes their own journey quicker (nowhere is this more true than trying to leave a local train - you have to jump out knees first). But don't you be tempted to step back to let the person coming the other way through - even if this is clearly the most sensible resolution to the problem - without fail the person behind you will walk into the space that you just left, perpetuating the gridlock.

Everywhere is your litterbin. You get very strange looks if you take your rubbish away with you.

If you're a man, everywhere is your toilet. (What, everywhere? Even a street that's so narrow two-way traffic can't pass if you're there? Yep.)

Taxi drivers get offended if you put a seatbelt on. They say "not compulsory" and look angry. It's like they haven't seen the roads.

It's twenty six degrees. Everyone is wearing their winter clothes. 

They love a marigold here. No really they are everywhere. There must be fields the size of Wales just growing marigolds.

All cups are tiny. No one has more than a shot of tea. Oh and a "pint" is actually a half pint, if you want a pint ask for a "mug".

Wing mirrors are for wimps.

Don't walk on the footways. They're there for people to sleep on. I hope they are sleeping.

Personal space isn't a thing. If you're queuing and not pressed against the person in front then expect someone to overtake.

Everyone is in an awful hurry to get there but once they do they just stand in the way.

You need a luggage label on your bag if you're getting a flight. The main job of security at airports is to stamp the luggage label.

Eyeliner on babies is a thing. It's supposed to protect them from negative people but it makes them look like tiny goths.

If you're going to drink like a local you hold the bottle above your mouth and pour. You will end up waterboarding yourself.

Uturning, double parking and going the wrong way down dual carriageways are all to be expected. Note earlier deviation towards gridlock comment.

Chocolate is triple wrapped but milk comes in a bag. 

Throat clearing is a thing. So is talking on your phone in the toilet.

When you buy anything you have to give your phone number. Consequently the number of spam text messages is phenomenal. I reckon my spam text to wanted text ratio is more than fifty to one. The vast majority are written in Hinglish and mean nothing.

And most importantly of all, if you're driving a motorbike: full horn, full throttle.