Australia Greatest Hits

Back in England and my body doesn't really know which way is up. I'd say that it's confused as to why it's getting dinner food at breakfast time, but it expects that. It's probably far more confused about why it's been up for such a very long time - consequently there's a mid-level chance that my fingers and brain won't work together all that well and I'll type something even more non-sensical than normal.

Anyway, that was Australia.  The aim was to see the best bits, the greatest hits and I think I made a fair crack at it. Five pretty diverse bits of a massive, massive country in a fortnight.

But what about the other corners? Why didn't I get down to Tasmania to try and see those slobbery bonecruncher things? Or get to the Sweaty North to see the properly big crocodiles?  Or Ningaloo, because everyone knows that that's the better of the two, right?

Guess I might not be done with Oz yet...

P-P-P-Put Down That Penguin

Before I left an awful lot of people said "You're going to Melbourne? You have to go to Phillip Island to see the penguins." Those people were wrong.

On the way there I stopped at a self-styled koala sanctuary.  I've been to more depressing places but they've generally been genocide memorials.

Phillip Island itself was ace: brutal coastlines and a whole heap of wallabies. Went to the Nobbies where there was essentially a penguin council estate. Lots of penguins living in artificial burrows.

The Penguin Parade (note the capitals) itself was somewhat depressing. I'm guessing that the marketing team went for Penguin Parade as "tiny, terrified birds walking across a beach in the dark whilst getting disorientated by shrieking dunderheads" just didn't have the same ring. Still, cool to see wallabies.

Batmania

I'm in Melbourne, a city nearly called Batmania. Turns out I like it here, with its laneways and coffee and museums and gastroculture and art.

Ticked a few boxes yesterday:
Great Ocean Road (pretty spectacular).
Koalas in the wild (furry balls in a tree).
Wild parrots (well scarlet rosellas) eating out of my hand (very cool).
And, unexpectedly, a helicopter ride (Impulse flew over the Twelve Apostles and Loch Ard Gorge. As one does).

Beautiful Australian Weather

Fifth stop, fifth time zone. My bodyclock is officially confuzzled.

Still, Sydney with its opera house and its harbour bridge, that's Australian, right? The weather isn't. The weather is thoroughly English, I wore a cagoule.

I also got right into the city centre side of things straight away. Mixing it up with the Valentine's couples at the opera house. Fairly sure I was the only person in that suited and booted bar that hadn't changed since their last desert hike.

I've spent the last couple of days taking it easy in Manly and exploring the parks around the northern beaches. They have different animals in their parks; not just limited to hedgehogs and foxes. Top three Australian things that we came close to running over:
1.  A lyre bird - which is basically a peacock which is good at impressions - decided to cross in front of us.
2. A wallaby bounded beside the car for a bit, before swerving into our path.
3. A kookaburra didn't come very close to getting run over, but a top two seemed silly, and kookaburras are Australian and I was in a car, so it's going on the list.

Big Red Middle

I'm in the belly of the continent, about as remote as it gets. That's unfair,  I'm apparently in the 4th largest "city" in the Northern Territory. It's a hotel complex. Which probably says more about how very empty Australia is than anything else. Still it is big, red and really flat. Which is pretty much what I was expecting.

Yesterday I visited Kata Tjuta (formerly the olgas), the second most famous rock formation around here. It is really big and really red.

Watched sunset at Uluru. One of the most average sunsets I've ever seen. Just cloudy. The big red rock stayed a greyish brown throughout.  M'eh. I tried sunrise this morning, a second chance to see the rock change colour. It was amazing. Not the colour change, but the fact that there were at least ten tourist coaches there. That's the other side of 500 people getting up before 5 to see light refract at a rusty stone, in the hope that it glowed golden. It didn't. It just stood on the plain like a moustache without a face.

Still no witchetty grubs. Not for lack of trying. I asked a park ranger if he could fix me up: "Sorry mate, it's only the Aboriginal women that know where to find them, and they haven't really bothered since the supermarket opened." Fair.

Headbutting Jellyfish

Cairns knows how to do February.  Rain rain rain.  Just like home.

Cairns is a bit of a weird place, it's like an English seaside resort, only twenty degrees hotter and fifty percent more humid. And where you can't swim in the water because of the risk of irukandji jellyfish. And with trees full of fruitbats and parakeets. And easy access to two massive tourist destinations.

Yesterday it was the jungle. Crocodile spotting on the Daintree River (spotted), Cassowary spotting on Cape Tribulation (failed, saw a turkey though, which is sort of the same) and Authentic Aboriginal Experience spotting at the Mossman Gorge - I know it was authentic because the t-shirts in the giftshop told me it was.

Today I put on my goth strength suncream and went to the Barrier Reef.  That's one of the biggies, right? I tell you what, it's quite pretty.  A whole heap more blues than I was expecting - which sounds ridiculous for an aquatic seascape. Saw me most of the main ones: shark; turtle; stingray; Nemo - that's the Disney one, not the Verne one - that would've probably been weirder and somewhat more scary. Talking of scary, the reef is chockfull of jellyfish, turns out these ones don't sting, which is lucky - I found that out by headbutting one. You can take the boy out of Essex, but he'll still headbutt the locals. Lad.  

Rottnest Monster

Sun? Blue skies?  Turns out this Australia place has a different take on February to me.

I'm in Perth, keeping it West Coast. Like Pac. The whole town seems to be a bit buzzy with fringe festivals and Chinese New years. Dragons getting in the way, all over the show. Because of the buzziness I didn't actually get to explore all that much of Perth. The irony. Spent more time in Fremantle, Perth's answer to Chorlton.

I did get to Rottnest, a nearby island which is chock full of quokkas a cute-nosed, fluffy-eared, ratlike marsupial that's handy in scrabble. Not even poisonous, not very monstrous at all, quokka.

Back in the USSR, well UAE

You know how I seem to keep returning to cities? And often cities that I was a bit indifferent to the first time. Well a quirk of flight changes has taken me back to Dubai. Whoop.

Started off the other side of the Creek. That smells of Asia.  I'm not entirely sure what the smell is, but it reminds me of travelling and makes me wander around beaming like a fool. It also had that thing where there's loads of essentially identical shops all in a row. Eleven torch shops anyone? And because you're there everyone assumes you want what they're selling. No, I don't need any fabric, I just want some breakfast.

I'm now in Dubai Mall. Which it's fair to say doesn't smell of Asia. It smells of chain store and western capitalism. I'm selling my soul for free Wi fi.

Dubai does do bling well. There's an aquarium in the middle of the mall. What I should've been thinking: two metre shark in a shopping centre; you don't see that very often. What I was actually thinking: the plaque saying this is the biggest pane of glass in the world has gone.  I wonder where that is now.

Another Heavenly Day

I thought I was ready for Beckett. Turns out I wasn't.  I just don't think I'm clever enough.  Or too mainstream.  Liking my lowest common denominator comfort blankets when I go to the cinema, like plot or action or characters. Happy Days didn't really have any of these. I tried to read reviews afterwards to help me understand what I was missing but the first review I read used the word "Aeschylean" and even with the help of Google I don't know what that means. I assumed it was to do with Aeschylus, and my Classics knowledge is limited but didn't he increase interaction between characters?  If anyone can explain (either the meaning of Aeschylean or Happy Days - although I suspect that there's no meaning to the latter) that would be ace.

To add to my experimental theatre, I also saw experimental comedy this week - Alex Horne duetting with himself and Andre Agassi.  This was more fun than Beckett, that's for sure, although I'm not convinced it was out and out "funny".