Politics, Hey...

I'm really enjoying politics at the moment, but feel that if I talk about it I'll say something obvious and / or trite and / or sounds like sixth form nonsense and / or I disagree with and / or regret before the rolling news cycle is out. So I'll talk about the things that happen in urban parks instead.

Castle Park, Colchester: Food and Drink Festival
In my head this was going to be sitting in the park in the sun eating and drinking all day.  In the real world that didn't happen. It was way too muddy to do any sitting; just muddy enough to do some sinking. I did manage to forcefeed weird foods into randoms though - who doesn't love shooting oysters?

Queens Square, Bristol: Comedy Garden
I chose badly.
Bad choice 1. I should have gone to Grillstock - meat and music, hmmmm.
Bad choice 2. I should have seen the Pajama Men. Instead I saw Arthur Smith and John Shuttleworth.

Arthur Smith I mainly know from panel shows, in my head I expected him to be miserable but doing fairly intelligent jokes. In reality he was just doing lowest common denominator bobbins - "ooh, I done a swear, how risque?" An utter waste of twenty minutes.

I knew nothing of John Shuttleworth.  Just had a vague knowledge of the name. Turns out he's completely cult.  Everyone else in the audience knew every word to every song and found every facial malformation cassock wettingly hilarious. Whereas I just didn't understand why a middle aged man was pretending to be a middle aged man.

Admirals Park, Chelmsford: Beer Festival
It's the premier event in Chelmsford's social calendar. The one time of the year that I can still guarantee bumping into people that I've known for all of the time yet not seen in ages. Plus there's beer. And a park. And sun.

Chalkwell Park, Southend: Village Green
The Stereo MCs look a lot like a "Just Say No, Kids" advert but at the same time haven't really changed since they were getting themselves connected twenty odd years ago. They were a lot of fun. Billy Bragg, not so much.  

Grand Torino

Once again, I've come away from a big Italian city absolutely buzzing. Turin is ace. And to think, I nearly didn't come. I checked the weather and the forecast looked somewhat apocalyptic, so I very nearly bailed - wandering aimlessly round an industrial city when you're soaked hardly ever leaves a positive memory. Still, the weather was alright - a few sunny showers - and even if it hadn't been there were more than enough museums to fill a weekend and enough porticos to get between the museums without ruining your hair.

Turin was a hotchpotch of a city. It reminded me variously of Hamburg, Antwerp, Valencia, Buenos Aires, Lisbon, Seville and just about every other city I've been to. Except, strangely, other Italian cities. It seemed more French than Italian. But then I guess that's what happens when that Napoleon replaces your walls with leafy Boulevards.

Visited the Duomo to not see the Turin shroud. Slightly disappointed that the supporting information didn't point out that it's a medieval fake. Still, never let the truth get in the way of a good yarn / faith / pilgrim exploitation opportunity.

I felt morally obliged to go to the Egyptian Museum, given its reputation. For my money it's better than the Cairo one. What it's lacking in Tutankhamun trinkets it more than makes up for by better information, a more coherent narrative and, erm, well, just being in Italy.

Ate local food at an authentic looking trattoria in a pretty street. Was a bit dissapointed. It was over rich and under flavoured. I may as well have just eaten a block of butter. Is that what all Piemonte food is like, or was I just unlucky?

Last night I had another coincidental right place / right time thing. It was Turin's Fiesta of Music: twenty odd stages around Quadrilatero showcasing music in all its forms. I saw jazz, bebop, choral, beat poetry, rock, Bjork-esque experimentation and an Italian lady singing Teddy Picker (without resorting to patriotic clichés, I reckon you'd be hard pushed to find a more English song than Teddy Picker). Great night, great city.

Bauhaus (in the Middle of our Street)

Turns out that my gut reaction to Tel Aviv - that it's just a tatty Abu Dhabi - was a little bit harsh. That said, the promenade backed by chain hotels was a whole heap more resorty than I was expecting. Not certain why, a city that claims some of the best city beaches in the world is bound to feel resorty, right?

Spent a little bit more time exploring away from the beaches today, went to the Bauhaus districts to check out the White City architecture. Some of the trees lining the boulevards are incredible - there's so many of them and they all look like their insides are falling out. Stunning.

And most amazing of all is that all these leafy boulevards lead to a central square that makes Coventry look pretty. City Hall is truly monstrous.

Anyway, heading home now. Made it through the interrogation and swabbing at border control, so have just about completed this Middle Eastern adventure.  Any surprises? Yep. If there's one thing that Indiana Jones taught me it's that they don't have Js in the Middle East - how comes just about every city I went to began with J? Jerusalem, Jaffa, Jericho, Jarash, J-tastic.

Low Points

Today I've been doing a survey of public toilets in Ramallah and Jericho and have to say, I'm relatively impressed. Generally all western style, with locking doors, soap and toilet paper. All told, this made the day a lot nicer than it could have been. That said, my preoccupation with toilets may have meant that I didn't fully appreciate, say, the oldest city on earth.

Shabbat pretty much forced me to West Bank. I hadn't fully appreciated how comprehensive Shabbat would be - it stops everything. No public transport tastic. So the nearest open pharmacy was basically Ramallah.

Went to the Dead Sea yesterday. That's pretty low. And pretty weird. My skin now feels super soft, but the Sea's healing powers have to be called into question...

The Hidden City

I think I have a new favourite wonder. Petra is way better than I thought it would be. Admittedly I had reasonably low expectations, in my head it was going to be that pink sandstone tomb that you always see and not much else.

Turns out there's quite a lot more. It is enormous. It starts off with the Siq, a kilometre long canyon - and who doesn't love a canyon - which serves as an entrance to the hidden city before opening out into a sandstone capsule hotel of a settlement.

One slight downer, the narrow path up to the monastery was made a whole heap more treacherous by antisocial, faux-Bedouin donkey jockeys (does that sound like an insult? Good) thrashing donkeys down the stone steps through anyone coming up. You'd have thought that the rumoured most expensive tourist attraction in the world (more than six times as much as the Taj Mahal, since you ask) could have done something about that.

Stayed in a "Bedouin camp" whilst in Jordan. I guess that sounds better for tourists than canvas guesthouse, which is exactly what it was.

I also took a trip to Wadi Rum. That's the desert in the South of Jordan, you know? The one with all the rock formations? The landscape was obviously spectacular but you're at the mercy of the 4x4 drivers there, which meant that about a quarter of the desert experience was spent in a gift shop, I mean Bedouin tea tent.

And that pretty much sums up my Jordan experience. Everything is set to take tourist money. You have to tip for everything. And as the currency is so ridiculous you're tipping a pound a time, which makes toilet visits expensive.

Yes, I feel sorry for a large population working in a tourist economy where noone is visiting due to the next door neighbours being a bit warry. But still, it did feel a lot like I was just a transportation device for my wallet.

To summarise. Jordan: nice scenery; bit of an attitude problem.

Desert Rain

I'm in Jordan. I got rained on. That wasn't in my plans. Plus it was unpleasant cold rain, like you get back home, rather than warm-bath rain like you normally get in hot countries. I'm going to have strong words with the sky.

Jordan staryed with a visit to Jarash, a town which two days ago I hadn't heard of. It was chock full of Roman ruins. Pillars everywhere.

Then spent the afternoon in Amman. That makes it sound a bit more grand than it was. It was a smash and grab even by my standards. In. Flag. View. Citadel. Amphitheatre. Mosque. Cheesey-sugar thing. Out.

The Holy Land

There are some real famous things in Jerusalem. Quite a lot of them are names that are so familiar, I didn't really think they were real. Calvary, Mount of Olives, Garden of Gethsemanee all places that I probably knew more about as an eight year old. Like Tatooine or Third Earth.

Visited the three biggest sites already.
The Western Wall really wasn't what I was expecting, the large amount of patio furniture meant that this hugely spiritual place felt a bit like an empty cafe, which I guess isn't the feel it was going for.

The Dome of the Rock is impressively shiny. Far and away the prettiest building in the city.

The Church of the Holy Sepulchre is surprisingly dingy. Plus it had that sombre pilgrim feel that makes you feel as though you're awkwardly intruding on somewhere that you really shouldn't be.

Contrarily my favourite Jerusalem sight so far is not any of those. The City of David, the oldest part of town, is built on a spring, which you can wade through. In a mighty dark tunnel. It was an odd tourist experience, but a nicely cooling one on a forty degree day.

I've been to West Bank today. Did the slightly unusual double bill of Bethlehem and Hebron.

I  didn't love Bethlehem, for a place that pretty much serves as a symbol of peace it is a mighty noisy place. Everyone just seems to like shouting. And tooting their horn. Nowhere more so than in the souk. Angryshoutingtastic.

Hebron on the other hand was like nowhere I've ever been. The whole of the city centre is a dystopian ghost town. Nearly all the shops are closed and the only people you see in the streets are soldiers. You could eat the tension. And in the midst of that you have the Tombs of the Patriarchs, one of the most important - and impressive - religious sites in the world. Weird.