Bye Bye Pig City

So ten months, that's a long old time, especially in this crazy country. Demonetisation, smog, earthquakes, weird bites, a teeny-tiny malaria scare, tribulations of a thieving maid and a couple of monkey attacks.

Twenty-six cities across sixteen states. Five hundred kilometres on the prison gym treadmills. Forty-odd novels read (including some biggies). Far, far too many hours of Netflix.

So what will I miss?

The colours. You'll be hard pushed to see someone wearing grey here.

The trees. They are like normal trees, but bonkers.

The curries. It's not just acceptable to eat three curries a day, it's encouraged. Back home if I have two curries in a week I feel decadent.

The Clocktower. My token bit of quasi-normality, quasi-routine - it's sort of an English-themed microbrewery (turns out I am that person). The routine goes like this: get a beer taster, order an American IPA (Clocktower lager for Marius), discuss why we get a beer taster when we order the same thing every time, eat a club sandwich, listen to Mona by Craig McLachlan.

The animals. The squirrel-cum-chipmunks that they do here are adorable and it's still a treat when I see an elephant or a monkey.

The pigs. How can it not bring a smile to your face when you see a particularly dishevelled pig walking down the road. Or sitting in a puddle on a hot day.

So goodbye India, these are your best bits:

Temples:
Best: Sun Temple, Konark
Weirdest: Temple of the Divine Madman, Panaka (yes, yes, I know, but none of the temple-weird that India offered came close. I see your chariot of filth and I raise you two children playing with phallus-a-like human femurs. If you're gonna insist on an Indian weirdest temple then) The Monkey Temple in Jaipur, although the weird was more whatever it was that was going on there, rather than the temple itself.

Lassi:
Tastiest: saffron lassi, Jodhpur
Weirdest: cashew/chocolate/pistachio/glacé cherries/whatever-else-is-around lassi, Konark

City: Varanasi with Jodhpur hot on its heels.

Curries:
Tastiest: anything on the menu, Varangula, Navi Mumbai - this is an interesting cultural case study. A lot of the Brits I know that have been there (correctly) rate it as their favourite Indian curry; all the Indians I know that have been there think it's average.

Weirdest: brain curry, Karims, Old Delhi

Beach: I'm not telling you, I feel I must keep it a secret otherwise you'll only go and spoil it. So go to Puri instead, that needs some visitors.

Food:
Spiciest: Naga chutney, NagaCuisine, Guwahati
Tastiest: Chaat, Kashi Chaat Bhandhar, Varanasi

Animal? Viva Pig City