Yangon: A Second

I'm back in Yangon, enjoying a respite between two days chock full of travelling to fill up on streetfood and avocado juice.

So that was Myanmar. 

Sort of what I expected, sort of not. Before I came out I had heard all kinds of things about the country so I figure I could do some public service by busting the myths:

ATMs work for international cards.  There's no need to bring all the money that you are going to need with you. I haven't heard anyone say that the exchange rate is way off the mark either - but then maybe noone has checked their bank balance. That was another one I had heard that it was best to change money on the black market as the rate was way way better than the official exchange rate. It seems to be just over a thousand kyat to the dollar (in Yangon).  And yes, you do get a better rate on 100 dollar bills than 50s. And 50s trump 20s. However you can pay for most (big) things in dollars at 1000 to the dollar.

Mint condition notes. I had been crazy paranoid about this and have kept dollars pristine. However I have seen people pay with fairly scrumpled dollar bills. I have only met one person who had a bill turned down - it was a hundred - they said it was mint.  They may check hundreds more thoroughly than other denominations, hence the better exchange rate.

Everything is either far more expensive or far cheaper than it should be. Any where you go there is an unexpected tax of between two and twenty dollars.

This is the country where I have spent the most on accommodation (per night). No question. A dorm bed here was roughly the same as it was in Luxembourg and I could only get a dorm in Bagan. Call me old fashioned but if I am paying Luxembourg prices I sort of want Luxembourg standard - wifi, warm water, showers, electricity - not had anight where all wete available throughout.

Getting to the bus station cost more than the six hour bus trip. And there's the rub, if you can do what the locals do it is crazy cheap. Lunch today was really good and enough to fill me up - it cost 60c, and that's not the cheapest lunch I've eaten.  Absolute bargain.

Party time (or not). Because of the inconsistent electric supply everything seems to be in line with the sun. I've been going to bed at 9. Not exactly Ko Phan Nagn. I've only seen one "bar" bar (80c mojitos - ridiculous value).

In peak season everything - accommodation, transport - is fully booked months in advance. This is just not true. Hours in advance maybe. In one instance I heard days. Mainly there were options if you needed them.

Your guidebook is out of date. The country is changing so fast that however new your guidebook is, it is out of date. In all probability this advice is out of date, so you may as well ignore this too.

And here are some things I hadn't heard:

Men wear skirts. You thought it was only Scotland? It's not, it is rife here. At least they have the climate for it. And it makes sense: have to keep the knees covered for the temples. "But what happens when they want to play cane ball?" I hear you ask. Simple, wrap the whole thing up into a big man nappy.

Thanakha. All the ladies wear it. It makes your skin stay youthful for longer - i.e. you are more attractive. The only slight issue is you spend your youth walking round with mud on your face - i.e. you are less attractive. It's a conundrum.

They drive on the wrong side of the road. Now that may sound like I am being imperialist, and criticising the driving on the right. I'm not. Well I am but only because they drive in right hand drive cars. They can't see when they overtake and they overtake a lot. The whole country lives for overtaking.

Sixty per cent of adverts are for coffee. Starbucks on every corner? Not quite. Rich n Creamy; Monkey; Super; Mikko: I can name far more brands of instant 3in1 coffee here than home. I don't even know whether we have 3in1 coffee at home.  "Mikko instant creamer - for the goodtimes" now that's a slogan. Incidentally my favourite slogan was for a fast food restaurant in Mandalay (and I appreciate that this is mean as what they meant was fairly apparent - silly foreigners not being able to see that in a second language there was a double meaning that subverted the original - idiots): "Good food keep on walking"

Burmese Daze

I'm in Kinpun, which, as you all know is the base camp for Mount Kyaiktiyo, better known as the Golden Rock. Now if I'd taken one of the pickups to the top if the hill and seen the Buddhist Disney land around the rock I would have felt a little bit short changed. The best thing for me was the walk, which I wasn't really expecting. But yeah, six hours of sweaty jungle mountain. Good walk.

About half way up I realised that what I really needed on the pilgrimage path to a Buddhist holy site was a bamboo replica of an AK47. Luckily the stalls on the way had this covered.

In other news, I had a traditional Burmese massage. I didn't enjoy it. That's an understatement.

Dangling Marrows

I finally got to Inle Lake to see what all the fuss is about. Only took two days. Got a boat guy to boat us around for the day. I can see what all the fuss is about, when we got to the actual lake and saw all the "fishermen" coming out of thr mist it was pretty amazing. At least until you realised that they weren't actual fishermen, just there posing for tourists.

Saw the stilt houses and the floating gardens with their dangling marrows - can't help but think that there is a risk of marrow loss having if you leave them dangling over water. Also saw all manner of local craftmen. Some even seemed ti be making useful stuff rather than tourist bobbins.

Spent yesterday avoiding the hawkers by hiking up in the mountains. Didn't get eaten by a tiger, so all good. Think I preferred the quiet mountain scenery to the tourist-and-diesel hubbub of the lake.

Quite enjoying monks usurping my expectations. In the last forty eight hours I've seen monks ride motorbikes, play football, splash around swimming and take my photo on their iPad. Funky monk.

In other news, I've discovered these small rice snacks.  They are all kinds of awesome. I'd bring them back as a gift but there is exactly no chance that I wouldn't eat them.

Can't Believe It's Not Buddah

Now this may surprise you but I've seen some more temples. Despite freak weather's best attempts. And yes, I know I shouldn't moan about the weather when it's minus three back home, but I have. So there.

I'm over the other side of the country now, in Nyaungshwe. Took advantage of the poor weather to venture out to Pindaya to see a cave full of Buddahs. That synopsis in no way does it justice. Neither does the poor quality photo I've attached. Pretty spectacular.

Beware the Temple Dogs

Crikey I've seen a lot of temples since we last spoke.  Somewhat templed out.

We ventured to the south of Mandalay to a whole heap of former capitals. All of which had a lot of temples. All of which, if I'm honest, looked pretty much the same.

We started in Imwa, where the main form of transport appears to be offroad horse and cart, went onto Sagaing (home of one of Asia's foremost Buddhist universities), then onto U Bein bridge. Now this bridge is probably Mandalay's most well known tourist attraction; longest teak bridge in the world, don't you know? We'd been to a teak monastery in Imwa, it was really pretty; covered in ornate carvings. We kind of expected the teak bridge to be similar. It wasn't. It was just a rickety bridge. It's got to run the Peeing Boy close for the coveted World's Most Overrated Tourist Attraction award.

Yesterday, we spent the day on the Irrawaddy. Didn't see any dolphins. For some reason Daniella thought I was lying about the small, pink dolphins that live in the river - can't see why.

We're in Bagan now. That's a place famous for its temples. There are loads of them. I'm comfortably into triple figures already today and there is a whole afternoon of temple based fun to go.

Squirrel-catching Gloves

Now I wasn't expecting the streets of Myanmar's second city to be paved with gold but I sort of was expecting them to be paved. 

I'm in Mandalay. Another one of those places that I sort of assumed was mythical. It's also a place that is ripe for blog titles. Instead I've gone for a callback on a six year old conversation that (probably) no one reading this will get.

So Mandalay doesn't have as much of the Asian mystique as I thought it would.  Turns out it's just a big dusty city. I've managed to squeeze in the most obvious city sights - the palace with its enormous walls and Mandalay Hill. Not meaning to come across all Lonely Planet on you, but did you know Buddha once climbed Mandalay Hill as a chicken.  Must've taken ages.

Yangon

I didn't understand lunch at all. A man gestured 'food' at me, so I followed him. He led me to a table where I shared bowls of stuff (rice, soup, something made of chillis, something made of onions, green goo and animal bones) with a bunch of strangers. Turns out the whole thing was free. I think I may have gatecrashed the leftovers of a school dinner. Not certain.  Tasty though. Especially the green goo, once you had got over the fact that it looked like pond weed.

Anyway, I am in Yangon. A city where footpaths are impassable due to pop up restaurants, roads are virtually uncrossable, where rambutans and mangosteens are readily available, where chickens hang upside down from handcarts, where monks are musclebound, where there's no toilet paper and inconstant electricity. In short where the travelling smells of weird.

I like weird.

I have already hit the main site, the Shwedagon Paya, a 2500 year old gold plated temple. It was impressive with its surrounding plinth of pagodas, colours, monks and activity. The sulky monkey within thinks it would have been even more impressive if the gold hadn't been covered by matting. But that's just me wanting the moon on a stick.

A-travellin' Again

They've spruced Doha airport up a fair bit since the last time I was here. There's all kinds of bells and whistles now - TV booths, children's play areas, enormous teddybear/desklamp art installation - which is kinda nice as my flight has just been delayed.

Not too worried about the delay, I was due to arrive in Yangon at 5, which is a pretty antisocial arrival time, so a couple more hours makes the whole caboodle somewhat more civilised.

I quite enjoy time at an abroad airport; hearing flight announcements for Islamabad and Beirut just sound a bit more exotic than the departures you get from Stansted. 

Anyway, the adventure has begun...

Actual Stuff I Liked

Not certain why I feel the need to do an end of year review - but I sort of feel obliged to. 

I think it helped looking through the year end charts and realising I actually liked music this year. Which is perversely disappointing. Like the Kate Tempest album.  Like the Gruff Rhys album.  Like the Run the Jewels album. Like the Madlib album. That's four albums I actually like - been ages since that happened.  And, as things stand, I've got more gigs booked than theatre trips - I feel like I'm back in my early twenties.  

Saw me some pretty good theatre this year. Last thing I saw was Golem - if I actually was still in my early twenties I would have loved it with it's anti-capitalist stance.  As it was I thought it was clever and fun, rather than blow your mind amazing. Not certain what the thing I liked most was.  That's a lie, I am fairly certain.  Streetcar... was ace.  Skylight was ace. A View... was ace. Titus Andronicus was suitably gory and I really enjoyed Urinetown.  But it wasn't any of them. It was The Play that Goes Wrong. Somehow it managed to live up to my ridiculously high expectations. 

Not been too shabby a year for travel.  Got into double figures for countries (yes, I'm aware that that's more in a year than a lot of people go in their life time), managed seven new European capital cities (think Sarajevo was my favourite, although Athens ran it close) and saw three of the most famously spectacular coastlines in the world. As I said, not too shabby.